Shovel-ready projects

Dear President Obama,
I have a number of shovel-ready projects which will require a fairly modest amount from the new stimulus package but will, I believe, create a number of jobs in New Hampshire. I respectfully submit my list of requests for your consideration. Before you reject my request before even reading it, I want to offer my credentials as a reliable consumer and person who pays her income taxes to help support the various bail-outs which have occurred thus far on the last President's watch and now on your watch. I also want to offer evidence of myself as someone who is trying her level best to keep the economy going. To wit in the past 3 months:
1. I have just paid for a complete renovation of my upstairs bathroom, pumping about $8,500 into the local economy.
2. I have just booked two week-long trips, helping to support the airlines, and no doubt boosting the economy in each of my destinations.
3. I have recently purchased clothing that I didn't actually need, but thought I could do my part to stimulate the fashion industry and prop up L.L. Bean.
4. Similarly, I have purchased 6 books in the past month, some to give as gifts, but most to read myself. I believe in supporting the arts (in this case a NH writer, a Utah writer and an Italian writer, proving that I am also participating in the global economy).
5. I have purchased new windows for my living room at a total cost of approximately $3500. Here I provided work for a local carpenter and have improved my energy efficiency, therby reducing my dependence on that pesky foreign oil. (It occurred to me today, Mr. President, that if we think the economy has collapsed this year, what will the economic collapse look like when we pump the last drop of oil???)

So, I believe my track record is strong, and I should qualify for my share of the stimulus pie. Here are my shovel-ready projects:
1. Extensive culvert work to channel the e-coli-filled water flowing through my backyard UNDERGROUND. $10,000
2. Clean-up of ice storm downed willow branches: $400.00
3. Removal of my old mailbox post and the 3 tons of concrete in which my ex-husband set it. Removal of an old basketball standard similarly set in 3 tons of concrete: $500.00
4. Removal of the current driveway and replacement with a more eco-friendly material, hoping to eliminate some of the nasty run-off in the basement and the backyard: $10,000
5. Relining of two chimney flues. Really only one needs to be relined, but in the process, they may smash the other one by accident, so I'm including it in my list: $3- 5,000.00
6. Renovation of the downstairs bathroom, making it handicapped accessible, which will make it possible for me to stay in my home when I am ancient, thereby saving the County Home a lot of money, not to mention the Medicaid system: $8,000 minus the cost of the toilet which I have already had installed!

So, Mr. President, my infrastructure would be greatly enhanced by these rather modest, but shovel-ready projects. A mere $32,000 or so should suffice, and compared to the roughly $750 billion available, I don't think my request is too exorbitant. The trickle down effect of this investment would stimulate the local economy, and would make Ronald Reagan proud. I eagerly await your approval.

Sincerely,
Big Red