Sometimes I wonder

Today I decided to wrap up my Christmas shopping. Yeah, right. I started at B.J.'s, where I knew I would do a lot of browsing and end up actually buying very little. I ended up with exactly 3 things in my cart, and just as I was about to go to the register, over the P.A. came the announcement and apology that their registers were all down, as a consequence of some problem in the computer system. "We hope it will be fixed in a few minutes." Well, when the lines at registers grew to about 25 people with FULL carts, I decided to bail. I dutifully returned my items to the shelves, which was more than a lot of people were doing, and left, having spent way more than an hour and accomplishing nothing.

I finally returned home for some lunch, and at 2:00 when I was just finishing, my mother called to tell me that she had a piece of mail that she knew was important, but she didn't know what it was. Was I planning to come over? Yes, I was, visiting her for the 6th day this week. The important piece of mail? A summons to jury duty in Strafford County Superior Court. Oh yeah, right. So, I just filled out the form, and have to get a physician's statement as to why she wouldn't exactly be a great juror, and return the form and letter to the court by Dec. 30th. I probably should have let her fill out the form - that would have been an immediate demonstration of why they don't want her on a jury . . .

Before January 15, I have another form to fill out for the Dept. of Health and Human Services, certifying that she is still eligible for Medicaid. I guess this is an every 6 month ritual. Accompanying the form I have to send proof of unearned income, bank statements photocopied for the past 6 months and proof of social security payments. That will take a large chunk of a morning. . . . . Sometimes I wonder why it is that I never seem to get anything done that needs to be done in my own life, and other days, I know exactly why I don't. I didn't finish my shopping today, but I have put the Christmas candles in the windows - my first step in drumming up some Christmas cheer here at 16 Valentine Hill Rd.

Choose your own adventure

So in the scheme of things, when a door knob falls off, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. So when the door knob fell off of the bathroom door on the inside, I put it on the counter and said to myself "I'll put this back on later." The bathroom door hasn't shut for about 6 months, humidity having caused it to swell.

Just imagine my surprise, when I walked into the bathroom this morning to take a shower, pushed the door toward "closed" behind me, and heard it latch. Oh, bummer. I'm shut in the bathroom, and possibly, I won't be able to get out. I eye the door knob on the counter, and look at the shaft where it belongs, extending into the bathroom. I try to turn the shaft, thinking that's my best hope for getting out. Nothing budges. Starting to panic, I open the drawer where there has always been a screwdriver (anyway in the old bathroom there was) and I have some lunatic idea that I can remove the door hinges.
Only there's no screwdriver in the drawer.

My next move (big mistake) is to try to put the door knob back on. All I succeed in doing is causing the door knob shank to retreat to the other side of the door. Now what? I search the bathroom for something I can use as a tool, any kind of tool. I think if I can use a credit card like object, maybe I can get the door open. (At least that's the way the burglars do it on t.v. ....)

I finally find a pair of tweezers, bend them so they are straight out instead of in a V-shape, and I have my tool.

Here's the choose your own adventure part:
Did I:
A. Remove the hinges using the tweezers like a screw driver?
B. Use the tweezers in between the door and the jamb to leverage the latch back into the door, allowing it to open?
Or
C. Take the screen out of the window and yell "HELP" at the top of my lungs, hoping the construction crew next door will hear me.

Leave your comments!!! I'm out, and that's all I'll tell you! And, for the double bonus prize, What is the first thing I do when I get out of the bathroom???

Just a passing thought

It occurred to me today when reading about Tiger taking an indefinite time off from playing golf in order to focus on his family and his relationship with his wife, that possibly there's money to be made on establishing a rehab center for the famous (and now infamous) men who cheat on their wives. Just imagine a place where they could check in, stay for the length of, say, a PGA golf season, and come out moral. What would it take? A 12-step program? All day in prayer? Sharp knives wielded over delicate parts of their body?

So joining Tiger in rehab would be Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer and S.C. governor Mark (?) Sanford for starters. And who was that NBA basketball star who maintained he had slept with over a thousand women? I forget. But they deserve a few weeks together in isolation to talk over the nature of arrogance, the effects of power, the hypocrisy of their public lives and most of all, their stupidity.