Yoga

Yoga may possibly save my life. It is one of the few things I do just for me. After two or three years, I am starting to understand the many benefits of doing yoga regularly. I wish I had known about yoga 30 years ago. Though I don't think I have ever been particularly a flexible person, I might have been somewhat more flexible in my 30s than I am now. Regardless of my lack of flexibility, I know that yoga is making me MORE flexible, while it builds strength and balance. Since Sarah worked with me last June when we did yoga each morning when my dad (her grandfather) was dying, I have finally started to really get the hang of doing yoga in a regular practice, combining home-yoga with one or two classes per week. I can see my improvements as each week goes along.
As important or even more important than the physical benefits, are the mental and emotional benefits. First, as I mentioned above, it is perhaps the only thing that I have ever done that is just about me and for me. Second, it has given me a chance to see what it is like to try to empty my mind of all thoughts. That has proven to be very difficult for me. The minute it is quiet and I am supposed to be focusing on my breath, I'm wondering what I'm going to cook for dinner, or worrying that my children will never get along again, for feeling guilty that I haven't visited my mother. While practicing yoga at home, I find it harder to empty my mind than when I am at the yoga studio. There are a whole lot of reasons for this, and I have hopes that over time, I will get better at getting past the distractions.
Today, at the studio, I found myself the closest yet to just giving up all my cares and emotional preoccupations and finally just being in the moment. If it can happen once, it can happen again. If nothing else, yoga has at least shown me that all that really matters is "right now," that I can't change what happened yesterday (or farther in the past) and that i can't control what will happen tomorrow. It's a lesson I apparently need to practice over and over again, and I wonder continually why this is so hard for me to internalize and apply every day.